It's Not Always As it Seems

I find it hard not to be optimistic and can usually see a light at the end of the tunnel in most scenarios that happen in my life. There have been times in my life where I have been dealt some really big challenges to test me, yet mostly I have remained a happy, motivated and optimistic person. Often I have wondered why I am who I am, and I have concluded that, yes, we are all born with certain genes which can mould our personalities and a lot is to do with the way we were brought up, but the most significant influence in my option is what we feed our mind. By that I mean our thoughts, what we think determines how we feel.

My mentor is my father. At 77 years of age he still physically works as a stonemason and is a happy cheerful soul. Dad has always been an optimistic person, and no matter how hard things can be, he is always able to laugh and just get on with it. I decided at a young age I was going to be just like my dad. The only time I have ever seen my father down is when my brother took his life, apart from that, nothing in this world really phases him, he just keeps smiling and gets on with it and he seems to always have challenges to overcome. He taught me that it’s all in the mind, and that you just have to think of the good things in life, not the bad. I asked him not that long ago, “Dad what do you do to keep going when things are tough?” his reply was “I just keep thinking of the nice things I have, like you, and winning the lotto and giving it to you kids”. Note here, winning the lotto for himself isn’t what he dreams about, it’s about making his children happy by sharing it!

I truly believe what you feed your mind can result in either having good things happen or bad things happen. For example, let’s say I wake up in a bad mood. The night before I went to bed and started worrying about something. The first thing that I think about in the morning when I awake is what I was worrying about, that makes me feel bad. So I get up out of bed and when I pour my cereal I spill it all over the floor, that makes me cross so now I have more bad feelings. When I go have a shower there is no hot water…grrr…now I am really feeling bad and guess what? The rest of my day turns out to be a day of everything going wrong. People are rude to me, I can’t find a carspace, a client cancels a meeting and so it goes on.

Now let’s turn it around. The first thing I do when I wake up in the morning is think of all the people I love, all the great things I have and the wonders of this world. I set my alarm for 5 minutes earlier and lie there thinking of the great things in my life. This puts me in a great mood. Before leaping out of bed…..now let me repeat this…before leaping out of bed! Yes that’s right not dragging myself up but leaping out of bed I am feeling fantastic. I am already in a good mood so when I spill the cereal instead of letting it get to me, I just laugh and clean it up because it really isn’t that big a deal. I hop into the shower to find no hot water and I just shrug it off and think how lucky I am that I live in a home that has a shower, I get to work and my client cancels the meeting, again it’s no big deal because I just reschedule and use the time in finding more clients or whatever is productive. People smile at me all day and good things happen. I have good vibes not bad vibes and people pick up on vibes.

Everyone has something to worry about at times, we all know that! However if we can teach ourselves that some things are really out of our control and there is nothing we can do about it, then what is the point of worrying? Often we worry about things that never eventuate and all too often we play scenarios in our heads about “what if I did this” or “should I have said” or we might not drop something that somebody has done to us and let it churn over and over and over in our heads. My point here is this, for those who can’t stop worrying or thinking about something negative, maybe try and do what I do. If I wake up in the middle of the night and my mind starts talking negative I repeat a mantra or I simply think of everything great in my life. When you think of all the wonderful things in your life, on this planet and the people you love, it helps to change your mood into a more positive one.

Sometime we are faced with huge challenges and it does become hard to keep smiling. Grief, of course is not something you can just switch off. I know when I was grieving for my brother it took a long time before the positive Deb got her act together. Not that long ago something happened in my business where I thought it was the end of the world, instead it was the biggest blessing I could have had. On the day this so called catastrophe happened, I was sitting on a rock looking out at the sea wondering how I was ever going to cope with it. 5 weeks later I took myself back to the same spot, at the same time of the morning and sat there elated and so grateful that this so called catastrophe had happened.

My tips on keeping happy:

• Gratitude is the key (if you don’t believe me write a list of all the wonderful things you have)
• Think the opposite of the worry
• Understand this….No matter how much you worry won’t change what you are worrying about.
• If you can’t think nice thoughts about someone, don’t think anything about them
• Realise that every breath you take is closer to your last…you never know when that is going to be, so live life for the moment
• The only thing you can take with you when you leave this earth is love
• Think only positive thoughts and turn it into a habit
• Take risks, don’t be scared just do it
• Don’t dwell on what others do to you
• Do something nice for someone else
• Be happy for others and never envious
• I have a Powerpoint presentation that I have filled with all the great things in my life, pictures of my family, me smiling and all the things I want to manifest in my life. I play this every day without fail and sometimes even more, with some great music. It always keeps me focused and positive.
• Life is too short………..live it!

Debbie Carr is a Director of True Colours Recruitment and an agent for professional speakers.